Patent it!

One of my most recent assignments at work has been to search for patents related to certain companies and asbestos. That tends to yield quite a few boring results. What isn’t boring is some of the interesting inventions that I have discovered in searching for patents. I’ll make a list of a few of my favorite:

The “Readily Portable Burrito:” This is a patent on, from what I can tell, the way to fold a burrito on a stick. You can find the whole patent here. My favorite part of the patent,

“With increased popularity in Mexican food, burritos have kept an equal, if not faster pace… The present invention provides a highly portable burrito product which can be carried about and eaten as easily as an ice cream bar or a coated hot dog impaled on a stick, commonly known as a corn dog, by way of example.”

Firstly, the first sentence doesn’t really even make sense. And hot dog impaled on a stick? Seriously? And doesn’t the notion of a burrito include the portability of it. I can eat a burrito with one hand, so why invest in a stick?

This is the “Device for Cooling Infant’s Brain.” What freaks me out about this one is its name. It sounds like you’ve created a refrigerator for saving that infant brain you plan on having for dinner tonight. In reality, it seems useful:

“The present invention relates to a device for cooling the brain of an infant, particularly the brain of an infant that has suffered a hypoxic shock to the brain.”

I looked up “hypoxic shock” and it’s a lack of oxygen to the brain, but I don’t really see how refrigerating the brain gives it more oxygen, but to each his or her own. I hope the infant brain fridge has saved lives. Here‘s the original patent.

This one is hilarious because of its name, illustration, and because it’s just a laser pen. I present “Method of Exercising a Cat.” I’m thinking Garfield on a treadmill here, but no, it’s just a laser pen shaped like a gun with the specific application of teasing your feline… The title would have been five times better if it had said feline instead of cat. The illustration looks like it’s drawn by a middle schooler (I’m not claiming that I can do better, here). It’s like a half-attempt at everything on this patent. My favorite part: that guy’s wavy legs. The original, if you want to investigate feline health and beauty products.

This little beauty is called, “Method of Concealing Partial Baldness” more readily known as the comb-over. Patented here is an extreme method of combing one’s hair over in which you grow out your monk-like circle of hair, and then comb it all up to cover the bald. The picture is pretty self-explanatory.

I hope you’ve gotten as much of a laugh as I have over these. Try searching Google Patents yourself for some funny inventions/patents.

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