Another life – Alaska

So, in my last “Another life” post, I imagined I was in sunny Hawaii wearing a hula skirt and… milking goats. This edition takes us to frigid Alaska! There they have days of darkness and midnight sun! More importantly, they have a booming job market. Let’s take a look:

First, to ease the transition from tropical paradise to homeland of Sarah Palin…

L&L Hawaiian Barbecue

L&L Hawaiian Barbecue is looking for enthusiastic, hard working individuals to come and join our team. We are currently looking for line cooks, cooks with grill handling experience a huge plus! Duties include kitchen and food prep, handling and preparing food, keeping a clean and safe work area, washing dishes in between rushes, and helping out with minor duties when needed. Both part-time and full-time work is available. If you are interested, come and stop by L&L Hawaiian Barbecue located … We are looking forward to meeting with you, and hopefully bring you on board with us! Mahalo!

As an avid watcher of the movie “Lilo and Stitch,” and therefore an expert on Hawaii, I can tell you that “Mahalo” has many meanings. One of which is something like “thank you” and others include “with respects.” I can guarantee that any Alaskan working at L&L won’t be getting any respect. Cue Rodney Dangerfield.

Mining Engineers

Our client has immediate openings for Mining Engineers and Reliability Engineers in Northeastern Nevada.  This engineer is responsible for managing the strategic business planning process and mineral resources & ore reserves. This position requires the ability to coordinate the business planning process including life of mine plans & annual budgets, mineral resource & ore reserve calculations & reporting; manage feasibility studies; ensure environmental policies & strategies are incorporated into mine planning.

This ad was in the Alaska section, I promise. See, the people know that there is a select group of people who are really anxious to leave Alaska, if for nothing other than to get rid of the view of Russia from their houses. These eager individuals seem to have a really specific niche though… You can only leave if you have 8 years of experience as a mining engineer. Darn!

Do You Love Beads?

Alaska Bead Company is looking for an energetic and outgoing Sales Clerk I to work Part-Time, Permanent, approximately 20-30 hours per week. Must be able to work weekends.

What a catchy tag-line? Someone reading, “OH MY GOSH. How did they know? I was made for beads!” Calling all stay-at-home moms… Those are really the only people who like beads this much, right? (This is not meant to be offensive to stay-at-home moms. I would be a stay-at-home girlfriend, if it were financially possible, and if Sean would let me. I have a cat to take care of, you know. She’s only 2). Looking for an energetic sales clerk to sell … BEADS!

Teaching in China

We are a staffing agency that helps people sign contracts to teach in China. All applicants must have a BA or BS degree in any subject.

-Teaching in China is not very demanding.
-Most classes are just basic conversation.
-Schools in China want their students to have exposure interacting with foreigners.
-All teachers enjoy a great amount of free time.
-16-20 hours a week.

Yep, people are THAT eager to leave.

Taking picture of Cars at dealerships

Part-Time to Full-time Automotive Photographer Needed. Hard -working, reliable photographer needed for dealer lot services. Minimum 3 days a week: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, approx 4 hrs a day. Great growth opportunities! No prior experience needed, but must have a good eye for quality. Must be able to work with little supervision, and be very responsible.

Hell, I’d take this job. Just photograph cars all day. Is this even a real job title? “And what do you do?” “I’m a professional automobile photographer.Yes, I attempt to capture the essence of the previous owner’s butt molded into the leather seats. I convey to potential buyers that while someone else probably farted in this car, it can be all theirs.”

British male voice available

Advertising myself as being available for your buisness,answerphone messages,inhouse messages,commercials,I have a London accent similarto the Geiccko Gecko,

Seriously? Advertising your services under the job listings section. Lame. Although I would like to know his going rates for personal voice mail messages. Can you imagine calling me? (No? Well, shucks, ok). And me not answering (cause I’m busy scanning legal docs, yo). And you hearing the Geico Gecko answer your call, “Carolyn’s unavailable right now, but if you leave a message she can save you 15% or more on car insurance.” Corny? Sorry…

I know, I know. Alaska can’t be that bad. I mean, all the Google Image pictures make it seem really pretty. Maybe I’ll visit Alaska on a cool cruise one day. In other news, did anyone know Alaska was this big? HUGE!

Yes. I did edit this photo. Not because I'm racist, but because there was a company logo at the bottom. Can't advertise for other people in my stolen photos.

Why did we give Sarah Palin control of this large a land mass?

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One thought on “Another life – Alaska

  1. THAT is hilarious! Alaska got my attention when i heard some towns up there were giving away property to anyone who would go up there and start a business…i still haven’t ruled the idea out…

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