I pulled my groin today. What even is the groin? Lame, that’s what. I believed until now that only weenies and men pulled their groins. But apparently, so do cool people such as myself.
Alright I’m done. I pulled my groin kickboxing this morning. I probably sustained the injury about 1/3 of the way through class. But I kept on kickboxing like a champ… or an idiot depending on your point of view.
After class I limped out to my car. I always bring a protein shake in a lunchbox with an ice pack. How convenient for crotch injuries sustained on site! So, as I was putting a straw in my protein shake (don’t judge, I don’t eat enough meat, and I don’t like nuts [yeah, make of that what you will]), I put the ice pack on my crotch to ease the pain.
Then I looked over to the car next to me where another kickboxing girl was just looking up from her iPhone (so jealous) to watch me jam the ice pack into my groin area. Needless to say, she gave me a pretty weird look.
I didn’t have time to get out and explain that I had pulled my groin, and I’m not some weird arctic fetishist. Ugh. Hopefully she won’t recognize me in the next kickboxing class. Also, she probably would have been freaked out if I had gotten out of my car to come talk to her after it looked like I just froze my lady parts. Golly.
I texted Sean before I left, “I think I pulled my groin.” We had a text message conversation in the YMCA parking lot in which he instructed me to stay home so I can ice it.
Yeah, ice your crotch at work, that’ll go over well. Good idea, I thought, I’ll stay home and rest.
Here’s the tricky part. How do you tell your boss you won’t be in today because you injured your crotch? Sean said I should just tell him, “Oh hey, big lawyer boss, just pulled my groin when I was kicking around this morning.”
I have a tendency to over-explain things, so I can see where this conversation would go:
“Hey Rob, I pulled my groin in kickboxing today. I think I’m just going to stay home and ice my crotch. Yeah, I probably overextended it while kicking my foot above my head.”
That or I have a tendency to exaggerate a little… just a little:
“I had to be helped out to my car limping. I’m probably going to go to the hospital for some morphine because the pain is excruciating. I mean it’s probably broken. According to the ambulance EMT, oh yeah there was an ambulance, you can break your groin.”
Anyway, I didn’t want to mention my groin to my boss… Awkward.
Why are crotches susceptible to injury? They should be invincible so that you don’t have to mention it to people who are your superiors.
I ended up telling my boss that I “injured myself” and that I should be back tomorrow. I’m not going to give up exercising. Tomorrow is boxing, and I’m not going to miss that. I’ll have to wait a whole extra week for more.
This reminds me of my obsession with exercising, but that’s another post.