Oh, Carolyn

When I was born my mom wrote a song about me. It’s pretty much my favorite song. For obvious reasons.

You know how there are popular love songs written with girl’s names in them? Like, “Come On, Eileen,” “Hey There, Delilah,” and “Elenore.”

Well, there are lots of songs on the radio to Carolines, but I had never heard of a song written to a Carolyn.

So I searched and it seems like the Carolyns of the music world are kind of mean and deserve to be treated badly.

Carolyn by Merle Haggard. Mr. Haggard is telling Carolyn a story about a man (presumably her man) who left home to meet other women and kiss their honeycomb lips and smell their fancy perfumes. Because apparently Carolyn wasn’t spicing it up enough for this man. I think the man should be grateful that he has a Carolyn to put up with his crap. Sounds like Carolyn is better off without this guy who is always lonely and looking for the next thrill.

Carolyn let me tell you what I heard about a man today
He didn’t come home from work and he went away
‘Til he came to a city, bright in the nightime like day
There they say he met with some women dressed in yellow and scarlet
Their warm lips like a honeycomb, dripped with honey
And somethin’ about the smell of strange perfume
Made him feel warm, and not alone

Yes Carolyn a man will do that sometimes on his own
And sometimes when he’s lonely
And I believe a man will do that sometimes out of spite
But Carolyn, a man will do that always
When he’s treated bad at home

Yes Carolyn a man will do that sometimes on his own
And sometimes when he’s lonely
And I believe a man will do that sometimes out of spite
But Carolyn, a man will do that always
When he’s treated bad at home

Carolyn by Steve Wynn. This is another story about a pitiful Carolyn. She’s in a bad relationship and just keeps letting her lame-faced boyfriend back into her life. He’s apparently a liar, a cheater and a thief.

If there’s one thing my mom always taught me, and this is an actual quote from my mom, “You start off lying, then you move to cheating, and the to stealing.” When we told a lie, she made it seem like we were bound for jail, “If you’ll lie, then you’ll cheat and you’ll steal!” Oh no, the big house!

So, buck up Carolyn from this song, and find a better man. Or better yet, find out who you are, and then you can love someone else. Don’t date this lazy guy who gets mad when he drinks. Sounds like a gateway into the same relationship you’re in with a different guy.

Now in this town there’s a joke going ’round
And everyone says it’s you
They’re fazed, they’re crazed, they’re constantly amazed
At the thing you say and do
He lies, he steals, he cheats on you
And comes back in the end
You say “man, I’ll do anything you want,
don’t leave me again”

Carolyn, can’t you see what you’re doing
Carolyn, step outside of the ruin

You sit home alone by the telephone,
Playing it tit-for-tat
Well, I don’t mean to get all in the air
But I think you’re better than that
He’ll hold you down, he’ll pin you down
and make you holler, “When!”
You say, “man I’ll do anything you want
Don’t leave me again”
Carolyn, can’t you see what you’re doing
Carolyn, step outside of the ruin

Well I ain’t no knight in shining armour
coming to rescue you
I’m crazy, I’m lazy and I think you know I get mean
When i’ve had a few
But I’m not the kind to shake you down
and peck at you like a hen
C’mon baby, take a walk with me now
and start all over again

Carolyn, can’t you see what you’re doing
Carolyn, step outside of the ruin
Carolyn, can’t you see what you’re doing
Carolyn, step outside of the ruin
step outside…

Carolyn’s Fingers by Cocteau Twins. Again another example of a weak Carolyn in music. I don’t really know what’s going on in this song, but it seems like the “she,” which I’m assuming is the Carolyn, is pretty messed up. Come on, where are the nice pretty lovey songs to Carolyns?

When he said, ‘You are full of love’
She fell down into this dirty mess
Some people see me laugh and tell us,
‘It’s wrong to make fun of me’

(Even they don’t give any more)
(Try, try to fall)
She fell down into this mess
(Even then they don’t give)
(Try, try to fall)
She fell down and he’s so sick of it all
And of me

This part not out of her saw fit to drop
Whispers might prove it all
(You’re just closer to me when you fall, but you broke)
This would prove it all
(You just closer to me, but you broke)
This would prove it all
Sleep now
You susur, try to talk
Reach out for that hand

Reach out for that hand
(And even they don’t give any more)
(Try, try to fall)
Even then they don’t give
(Try, try to fall)
You just closer to me at the fall
But you don’t want, want me hand
You’re just closer to me

There are more, one about a stillborn named Carolyn. No good songs about Carolyns?

Ah, but there is one.

Carolyn by Zox.

The summer swept Chicago
Left us with a little bit of rain.
We are trembling, glistening,
Listening to the rumble of the elevated train.

And I have never been afraid
Of opening myself up to a dream.
And now you’ve filled me like a bubble
And the trouble is I’m bursting at the seams.

I can’t leave you, Carolyn.
It has never been so quiet
My heart will never beat this loud again.
I can’t leave you, Carolyn.
And walk back out amongst the strangers,
Strangers who’ve grown closer than my friends.
They grow closer than my friends.

A square of sunlight on the bedspread
And I stagger through the silence ’til you wake.
We kiss away the morning,
Wishing that the morning lasted all day.

Well I have never been afraid
Of opening myself up to a girl.
But now I’ve let you in
You begin to shake my precarious world.

I can’t leave you, Carolyn.
It has never been so quiet
My heart will never beat this loud again.
I can’t leave you, Carolyn.
I walk back out amongst the strangers,
Strangers who’ve grown closer than my friends.

Sometimes love can be so
Sometimes love can be so lonely.
Sometimes love can be so
Sometimes love leaves you alone.

(Carolyn)
I can’t leave you, (Carolyn)
I can’t leave you, (Carolyn)
I can’t leave you, (Carolyn)
I can’t leave you, (Carolyn)
I don’t ever want to be lonely, lonely (Carolyn)
I don’t ever want to be lonely, lonely (Carolyn)
I don’t ever want to be lonely, lonely (Carolyn)
I don’t ever want to be lonely, lonely (Carolyn)
(Carolyn)
(Carolyn)

Yay! Someone in music loves me. Or someone with my name! 🙂 Not all musical Carolyns are weak and mean and bitter. Some are the objects of love songs!

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