Schmapril Fools

I’m not a big prank person. I wish I were. I tried when I was little. After that one, my mom asked me not to try April Fools pranks anymore because I obviously didn’t understand how it was done.

My younger brother was in the bathtub one afternoon (obviously, one April 1st afternoon). He was probably about 5 or so. My mom asked me to watch him when the phone rang and while she started dinner. Suddenly, I remembered it was April Fools Day.

I tried to think of good pranks I could still do. But, alas, the day was running out, and if I wanted to get a prank in before April Fools was over, I’d have to do it soon. I’d made up my mind. This was going to be awesome.

I ran into the kitchen screaming, “Fire! Fire! Fire!” Flailing my arms around, look of panic on my face.

My mom dropped the phone and the spoon with spaghetti sauce all over it and ran to get Patrick out of the tub (we all know who the favorite kid is now…). Then I followed behind her laughing and yelling, “April! Ha ha ha ha! Fooooooools!”

Mom stopped immediately and slowly turned to me. “What?” She said between her teeth, obviously resisting the urge to lunge at me like a jungle cat. “It was just an April Fools joke!” I laughed.

I was then lectured on what was and was not an appropriate April Fools joke. And since then I have not tried an April Fools prank.

In my fourth grade class, my teacher, Mrs. Hedrick, stopped class one afternoon to make an announcement. An outbreak of measles had erupted in our school, and we’d all have to be immunized against it. That being said, the nurse was on her way to our classroom with the shots, which we’d all receive right here, right now.

That was it for me. I freaked out. A million things ran through my mind. “What if I cry in front of my entire class? My mom didn’t approve this. What if I pass out? What if I wet my pants? They can’t do this. There was no permission slip. I’ve never had a shot before. I’m going to die. Should I make a big scene or just get the shot?”

It was stressful for a fourth grader.

Then all the teachers came in along with the nurse, and, of course, all said, “April Fools!” in unison.

That was a scarring experience.

You can see why April Fools isn’t my bag. But today, I tried it. I went out on a limb. A tiny limb. A stick really. A twig.

I changed my coworkers Google search languages to “Bork, bork, bork!” and “Elmer Fudd.” I’m really afraid they’ll freak out and get mad and I’ll be fired.

Because April Fools is a day for drastic reactions, right?


One thought on “Schmapril Fools

  1. we staged this elaborate plan to steal a coworker’s car (aka, take his car keys and move his car to a different location that wasn’t super visible and return the keys with him knowing nothing of the plan). And the only part that was sad was that it was my day off and I didn’t get to see his reaction…

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