Cinco de Mayo

I don’t really celebrate Cinco de Mayo. It’s not because I don’t have a respect for Mexican culture. I can honestly say that I don’t know too much about Mexican culture other than what’s been thrust in my face at school. Based on recent enlightenment regarding public school curriculum, I highly doubt I got all the information.

What really bothers me about people celebrating Cinco de Mayo is that they don’t know what they’re celebrating, except for that it’s an excuse to eat tacos (probably not even prepared like a real Mexican citizen would prepare them) and inundate their bodies with margaritas, or if they’re on diets, straight tequila.

I watched a documentary on tequila once (story of my life), and the way some of rarer kinds are made is truly fascinating, involving harvesting nectar-like juices from enormous cacti.

This guy is happy to be your tequila. Also, he'd like you to print and color him in.

Anyway…

According to Wikipedia (don’t judge, fools, I’m outta college and can get my sources wherever I please), Cinco de Mayo is

The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.

Most Americans probably don’t even know that. They’re too busy using it as an excuse to get drunk and take a break from telling all immigrants to the United States to leave.

Some places in Mexico don’t even celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Instead they’re making bank off of all the tequila that gets shipped here.

So here’s the real reason why Americans should celebrate. It helped end the Civil War.

Historian Justo Sierra, has written in his Political Evolution of the Mexican People, that had Mexico not defeated the French in Puebla on May 5, 1862, France would have gone to the aid of the South in the U.S. Civil War and the United States’ destiny could have been very different.

Mexico wasn’t independent because of Cinco de Mayo. They just kicked butt at the Battle of Puebla that day, and in the process sent France yelping back home like an injured cartoon dog.

At least know your facts before you guys go fill up on millions of calories of fried food and liquor. And think of me and my mini-lesson when you’re devouring salsa.

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