Kitty love

Have I ever told you guys how much I love my cat? Oh, I have? Well, let me just remind you.

Mitten Head, do you know how much I love you?

Oh, that's sweet. You're such an endearing human. I love you, too.

 No, Mitten. I mean, you’re like a child to me. Like my child. Not just a random child. I tend to dislike those. You’re my kid replacement. Except for that I don’t like kids…

I find your dislike for children slightly startling, but I suppose I understand. I hate children as well. I appreciate you feeding me, though.

 Mitten, I would marry you if it were legal.

Oh, you’re making me blush. But we both know that’s not possible. Republicans would have a fit since we’re both women.

Mitten, I’m glad we share a political affiliation. And an apartment. And sometimes a bed, sometimes a couch. You’re better than humans a lot of the time. You’re no fuss. You’re easy to read. You tell me what you want. You need me and yet you give me space. You’re a perfect person in a cat’s body. Please be my friend forever.

That I can do. I promise to always be your friend. Now excuse me while I spy some squirrels.
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