The Underwear Debate

I try to be very observant most of the time. A lot of times it get in the way of what’s actually going on. Like when I’m in at staff meeting at a restaurant and my boss and coworkers are talking about marketing ideas and I’m watching the way the waiter is pouring people’s drinks and hovering and asking other waiters questions, so he’s probably new. And he has the specials written down along with the order of things to say. And he’s nervous and keeps stopping mid-sentence to collect himself so this is probably his first big group. And then suddenly we’re talking about a different client and social media. Bam.

And one thing that I always seem to notice is what kind of underwear people wear while exercising. Whether your undies are creeping up your back, your thong-line is very visible under your too-tight capris, or your pants are giving you the wedgie from hell because your poor, unsuspecting butt cheeks are unprotected. I always wonder about how people choose exercise-underwear.

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I’ll go ahead and tell you all, I’m an underwear exerciser. And not a thong-underwear-exerciser. I tried that one time in high school. Wore a thong to soccer. That’s the one and only time that EVER happened. I’m sure my coach was wondering why I spent half of practice digging my skivvies out of my butt. Soccer and thongs are not compatible. In fact, that was when I went to Wal-Mart and bought myself a pair of men’s compression shorts. Bam. Full booty coverage and it protected these ever-lucious thighs while slide tackling.

This is obviously not me.

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But there’s always that one woman who stands right in front of me with her running capris a little too tight, and that distinguishable thong line ever so visable. I’m not ashamed. I stare. I stare half in disgust and half in amazement because I can only imagine. I can only imagine the minutes, dare I say hours I would spend digging that thin slice of fabric out of my lady lumps after shaking my booty, kicking, lunging, punching, etc. Roundhouse kicks are barely friendly to bikini style undies. Thongs would not survive that.

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Not to mention, when you have more than a flap of skin over your gluteus maximus, full-coverage undergarments help keep things from jiggling around when they shouldn’t and control any mega-sweat going on. Come on, folks, let’s not deny the butt sweat. There’s a lady in my kickboxing class who looks like she wets herself every week. That’s no accident, that’s sweat.

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There’s another end of the spectrum, though, and that’s the over underwearers. Those women that wear the high-cut briefs and try to stuff ’em into cool exercise pants. Friends, if your underwear can be pulled up past your belly button, you do not need to be wearing low-rise yoga pants. Sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just so awkward when you accidentally get your shirt tucked into those turtleneck underwear.

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Then there are the no-undies crew. These ladies like their pants as tight as they come so you KNOW that nothing’s going on under there. Yeeps. I can understand managing a wedgie for an hour, I’ll admit I’ve done it. But as soon as class is over, that thing’s OUTTA there. These women often manage a front and back wedgie and do not mind leaving it.

I’m not trying to be judgie, here, but nothing’s worse than sweaty cameltoe. Keep that under control ladies. You don’t see men walking around in crotch-clinging hotpants at the gym for a reason.

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What do you all think? Are thongs appropriate for working out? How about going commando?

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2 thoughts on “The Underwear Debate

  1. Oh and since I ignored the questions, for the record I always exercise in a thong, believe it or not. Unless I am wearing like Nike shorts with the built-in panty business, in which case I go commando. I also often run in some sort of spandex sliders or something under regular running shorts, and that’s also without underwear.

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