Fighting the Urge

I really want to call in sick today, but I’m fighting the urge to be lazy. I know it may have to do with the weather–both emotionally and physically–but I really want to stay home today and not do anything. I’ve had a headache for the past 5 or 6 days. It hasn’t been a migraine, just an on-again-off-again ache that’s moved from the back of my head (like a tension headache) to the sides and front and around again. It’s like a marry-go-round of pain.

I used to get headaches a lot. I’ve actually been plagued by them my entire life. I remember getting off the bus in middle school with headaches, getting them during soccer practice in high school, massive stress migraines in college, and now I get a lovely visitor probably once a week.

I’ve had a CT scan, nothing’s wrong with my brain. I just have to manage my triggers, which it seems change yearly. Sometimes it’s citrus fruit (and those are some of my favorites, too), sometimes it’s light and sound, sometimes it’s hormones, sometimes it’s dehydration, and sometimes it’s stress.

Headaches are no fun, especially migraines. And I feel like people expect you to continue working or doing whatever you’re doing through the pain. In college, I remember studying with a friend and saying, “My head is killing me right now.” She asked, “How do you function with migraines all the time.” And I remember thinking, I just have to. I can’t just stop because my head hurts, and people will think I’m a slacker for going home to lie in the dark because “my head hurts.”

While migraines don’t manifest themselves physically in many ways, they can still be grossly painful, especially when your job is staring at a screen in a brightly lit room with constant noise.

I’m not staying home today because I don’t want to call in with “a headache.” I don’t want to have to pay money to go to the doctor for them to put me on a prescription whose side effects are worse than what they cure.

I really want to though.

So, today I’m thinking healing and positive thoughts.

Happy Wednesday!