Pacific Rim – SyFy Meets Money

This weekend was lazy, and it’s already seeping into my Monday. For example, I’m sitting at the kitchen table without pants writing this. I think our weekends will ramp up a bit when I get my official go-ahead to remove the boot. I pretty much don’t use the crutches at all when we’re home. Now, they’re just arm extenders for when we go into public. Since carting around a million-pound boot and janky-ass metal arm extenders is a giant pain in the rear, I don’t go out much more than I have to on the weekends.

The most notable thing about this weekend was the matinee (yes, we’re cheap) viewing of Pacific Rim. It’s totally a man movie. Why, you ask? Because the story, characters, and dialogue were written by a teenage boy. It was like a cheesy SyFy movie with a giant CG budget. Don’t get me wrong, the enormous robots vs. aliens fights were very well done. STOP READING IF KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS WILL SPOIL YOUR LIFE.

pacific rim height chart

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The main character’s accent went from Boston to Southern to Irish at one time. He kept walking around with his thumbs tucked into the front of his pants like some robot-piloting cowboy. Could someone just get him a belt already? The leading lady had a very believable Japanese accent–or she just recently learned English. If I couldn’t see her mouth moving, I could not understand what she was saying. Maybe that just says something about my other-language-listen-interpreting skills?

There were some obvious Power Ranger-like moments when they run out of weapons in their giant robot, and they magically whip out a sword. Then the Japanese leading lady yelled, “For my FAMILY!” I audibly asked, “WHY DIDN’T THEY USE THAT TO BEGIN WITH?!” Because if you have a sword that just chops through alien giants, why are you trying to punch them to death?! Apparently the robots were trained as pugilists, not samurai. And yes, I was that person in the theater. Sorry.

PACIFIC RIM SWORD

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Of course, no sci-fi robot/alien is complete without a crazy scientist, but we get 2 in this one. Double treat. One is a math nerd and one is an “alien groupie!” They are definitely the mad scientist, quirky nerds, and to make it even more awesome one has a crazy limp, a terrible haircut, and a cane that he sometimes does or does not need.

There are also TONS-o-plot holes. Like, if we have the technology to connect two minds into a “neural handshake” to control and command a giant robot, wouldn’t we have the drone-like technology to do it from afar instead of having the robot pilots inside the robot? And whose freaking idea was it to build walls around the borders of countries if we know that the “categories” of alien giants are constantly getting bigger & when we fight them, they destroy entire cities. Walls can’t stop that.

PAcific Rim Kaiju Wall

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All and all, I’d say go see it if you really like giant action fights between slow transformers and aquatic alien giants. Acid may or may not be involved as well as lots of stereotypes and a small bit of drowning. By the way, that’s metal-eating acid, not the fun hallucinogenic kind.

But definitely go to the matinee so you don’t have to pay full price for half of what a good movie should be. Sean warned me beforehand that we were not going for the story or the characters, we were going to see giant CG fights. And if you go for that alone, it was pretty awesome.

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