CrossFit is constantly humbling, especially now that I’m trying to get back into shape after the broken leg “hiatus.” But no matter how slow or winded I am, my fellow gym-goers are still there to cheer me on. They don’t judge me for having a bad day or being the last to finish. It hurts my pride, sure, but I never feel like people think I’m a loser or weak or lame.
Today’s WOD was difficult, but I tried to use heavier weights and challenge myself (though still not Rx). 3 rounds of 25 kettlebell swings and 25 burpees. I thought it seemed simple enough, but those are the ones that really get you. It took me 14:24 to finish–dead last, red-faced, dizzy, and humbled. I’ve got a long way to go, but at least I finished the workout.
I think one (small) factor in my slow movement today was how tired I was. I haven’t been sleeping like “me” recently. I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier, but I still have a hard time falling asleep and wake up to toss and turn before the alarm goes off. I guess it’s beneficial since I’m ready to get out of bed by the time 4:40 rolls around. But I feel like I could go back to sleep at any minute throughout the day if given the opportunity. I need to work on my sleeping.
Tonight is the first night of my gym’s endurance/running class. I’m a little nervous, even though one of the class leaders told me we were only running 2 miles. If I can even run that distance, I know I’ll be slow. But I’m doubting I can even do that since I haven’t run in a long time. I’ve done a few very short jogs with my ankle brace, and that seems fine. Two miles seems like an eternity compared to what I’ve been doing so far.
Back when I could run more than 100 yard…
In other news, being tied to impending medical bills is a real drag. I know I’m very fortunate to have insurance and a paycheck + savings that means I can afford these medical bills. The insurance system is really convoluted, though. I’ve been sent bills and paid them by check, but they’re not going away on my online insurance account as an owed bill. It makes me seem like I’m not paying things. No one is sending me notifications, etc.
Being an adult freaking sucks sometimes. It’d be nice if insurance companies weren’t sketchy about how they bill you or what you owe. For example, mine lists all the medical bills I may or may not owe, doesn’t mark off when you’ve sent a payment directly to the provider, and duplicates claims that may not have gone through the first time.
I don’t know what I owe to who. It’s stupid and poorly designed. And it makes me mad.
On a similar note, I feel like none of my healthcare providers tell me anything about what’s going on. My physical therapist mentioned that I only have a few sessions left in my insurance next week. My ortho spends approximately 3 minutes with me each time I visit (not worth the $35 co-pay). It wasn’t until my last visit that I actually got to see one of my x-rays.
I always assumed that people who didn’t pay their bills were just lazy or didn’t work hard enough or didn’t budget correctly (I know, I’m sorry). Even though I’ve only been sent 1 hospital bill so far, I get how anxious money can make people when it has the potential to be tight. I can’t even imagine the anxiety of owing money and not being able to afford it.
The impending slew of medical bills that I haven’t even gotten yet make me nervous. I’d much rather not have that boulder tentatively hanging over my head. It’s making me a mean/lame/emotional person. I get mad at Sean because he’s got goals that he’s saving for, and in my head (and often audibly, I’ll admit) I say, “It must be nice to get to save for you want.” And, “I was savings for things I wanted too.” But there’s no point in being mad and upset because it’s over. It happened, and now I have to deal with it as it comes.
Any real life adults have any advice on advanced money management or insurance or dealing with doctors or getting over myself? All perspectives accepted.