Bird Feeder Chronicles

I got a bird feeder last weekend, and it’s turning into the bird buffet of the neighborhood. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Sean helped me set it up on a big shepherd’s hook near a tree in our backyard one Sunday. I got the “Greatest Variety” bird food, because apparently birds are picky jerks based on their “type.” So I set it up and then sat by the window and waited because I figured, everyone loves free food.

But they didn’t come. I don’t know many facts about birds (beside the free food thing), so I was cycling through the different scenarios as to why they weren’t fattening themselves up on my Greatest Variety bird seed:

  • the bird feeder smelled like us/humans/Home Depot, and they don’t get near that
  • the bird feeder was too “out in the open” since it was kinda near a tree but also kinda in the middle of the yard
  • the birds were not the fatties I expected them to be
  • the birds could not see it, smell it, or find it how they find things (I know A LOT about birds, as you can tell)
  • the birds were assholes who were avoiding the feeder ON PURPOSE to hurt my feelings

I sat outside waiting and watching, then inside in case they were shy eaters. No dice. Until. UNTIL!

Until Doug came.

Doug is the first bird that came to the feeder to chow down on some Greatest Variety. He was a fat, brown-feathered guy, and just the type of bird you’d expect to try the newest eatery in town. It took about a day, but after Doug got his free food on, he must have spread the word. Because now my bird feeder is the talk of the neighborhood. I’ve got big, fat cardinals (all vying for popedom), other birds big and small (see, my knowledge of birds is endless).

The cats are loving the bird feeder too. It’s pretty far away from the house, but they still sit in the windows and watch the birdies eat. I imagine they’re thinking, “Yes, fatten up, preciousesssss. Eat, eeeeat.” And then imagining chasing down fat birds and eating their insides. Yum.

This means only one thing. I need more bird feeders in the yard.

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