Not With a Bang But a Whimper

Man, there’s nothing quite like the feeling of waking up at 2am and thinking, “Oh man. Not now!” I didn’t eat anything out of the ordinary. I didn’t do anything abnormal. But 2am did not agree with me today. Here’s how crazy people react when sick during the wee hours of the morning.

1. Check the workout online to see if I could still do it while semi-nauseated. Then count down the hours like, “If I can go back to sleep by Xam, then I’d still be good to work out.” Decide you’re probably delirious, and your gym friends/coach would rather you not come mostly-not-conscious/definitely-not-well anyway.

Gag gif

My favorite gif makes a comeback!

2. Go on Amazon and buy all the vitamins, because health was so wonderful when you had it every other minute until this point. Seriously, guys. I bought $100+ worth of vitamins.

Buy all the vitamins

3. Think about emailing the office manager. Because it’ll look totally legitimate to email at 2:30am that you are not living in the land of the well. Think maybe she’ll think you just stayed up all night drinking. Everyone knows you don’t drink. Everyone knows you get up early to work out. They’ll think you’re just skipping out. They should know you don’t get up at 2:30, but maybe it’s your new thing. Dear God, don’t let 2:30am be your new thing. Wonder if you could just fall asleep on the couch. Then your alarm will still go off upstairs at 4:30 and Sean will be like, “TURN IT OFF!” but you won’t be there to turn it off. Then he’ll think you were kidnapped/ran away. (etc. etc. etc.–2am delirium continues).

Delirium Gif

4. I bet I could get an episode of Frasier in! I wonder if this pseudo-illness is why I was so tired and went to bed at 6:45 last night.

Frasier Gif

5. What if I just stayed awake until 4 and THEN went to the gym. I could work on a few projects I should have worked on last night.

Gym People Gif

6. Nope. Bad idea.

7. I’m just going to go lie down… Maybe check out my Amazon orders again, etc.

I’m feeling fine now. Not ill. But maybe that’s whatever I took at 3am working it’s way through my system. I feel like a kid because I just grabbed whatever was in the medicine drawer and did what it said Alice In Wonderland style (along with a quarter of a Clif bar just in case my empty stomach would have made it worse — you never know). Just want to feel better! And it worked, so, at least there’s that.

Eat Me Alice in Wonderland

Thanks for letting me write all about it! I hope you enjoy thinking about things like illness, nausea, and early-early morning semi-conscious ramblings.

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