Your New Robot Overlord

Heyo. Long time, no see. I’ve been wicked busy recently, as everyone who ever existed is. It’s really the greatest excuse of our time: “Oh, I can’t, I’m so busy.” I know, if you want to make time for something, you will.

So Busy

As everyone who read this blog knows, sleep = my one true love (after, ya know, Sean, of course). So when my brain says, “You can spend an hour writing or get an extra hour of sleep.” I choose sleep. Every. Time. I have an addiction, you guys. It’s sleep. Plus, my life has gotten ridiculously boring, so there hasn’t been much to write about. One of my friends even asked me what my deal is and why I haven’t been writing, and then told me to get on it. So here I am (Lauren!).

Anyway, I will be coming upon a great amount of free time soon. Remember when I broke my leg and tore some of the ligaments in my ankle? I had THE WORST orthopedic doctor. Upon my last visit at his office, when I was hobbling my way out of the building, his final words to me were, “See you when you tear your ACL.” I could not knock on wood fast enough.

And apparently, I didn’t.

Because this past Sunday, I had the distinct pleasure of tearing my ACL. And my meniscus. And some of my MCL. Listen guys, when I go in, I go ALL in. #YOLO

robolyn

First things first, I have a WAY better orthopedic doctor now. Seriously, she’s the bomb.

So let’s rewind, and I’ll catch you up. I started playing for a DivII, full-field, all women’s league. And it’s been totally wicked.

That was totally wicked

I get to play center mid, which is where I do the most ass-kicking. It’s also apparently where I do the most scoring. I’ve scored in every game I’ve played for them. I showed up for the game this past Sunday, pretty excited because it’s a traveling league, and for once the game was actually close to my house.

I get on the field and see it’s AstroTurf. I only have reg field cleats. It’s fine, I think. Not only is this game closer to my house, but Sean and my friend Sarah have also come to watch me play. How great does this get? Too great, apparently. Because the Gods were like, “This is too much goodness for her, send her a reality check.”

One reality check, coming right up.

Chickety check yourself

I score at the beginning of the second half. Huzzah! And then, I make a run up from center mid to the forward line, as center mids are wont to do. I go to cut from the left side of the field toward the goal, and apparently my cleats + AstroTurf = 1000% traction. So my body moves one way, but my foot stays cemented forward.

It's happening

Stay Calm

Stay Fing Calm

And then the most horrific of popping sounds happened. My leg/ankle popped when I broke it however many years ago. But the knee popping was so loud. It sounded like it echoed throughout the field area. Apparently refs on the other side of the field told Sean they heard it.

So I was sprawled on the ground clutching my knee for a bit.

A girl on my team is training to be a chiropractor, and she checked it out. Sean helped me walk off the field. All seemed a-okay. Until I tried to bend down to pick up my water bottle, and the knee joint sort of slipped to the side. And then I was like, we should go to urgent care. And Sean was like, duh.

Long story short (too late!), the urgent care guy said it was probably the ACL. Meanwhile, the pain isn’t terrible, just sort of sore-feeling and annoying. So I’m like, no way it’s ACL. Urgent care doc says, it may not hurt now, but will tomorrow. I think, that seems logical, same happened with my leg. BUT it did not hurt at all. And the swelling isn’t even that bad. So, I’m on the fast track to someone saying, “You’re just a big weinie. Suck it up.” Not.

awesome knee

Fast forward montage: went to ortho Monday, orders MRI. Get MRI on Wednesday, follow up appt. set for Friday. Go to follow up appointment Friday.

They’re running behind, so wait in lobby for an hour. Get in to room. Nurse pulls up MRI, scans through quickly, stops on a particular image. This does not bode well. Or does it?

Cool doc comes in. Messes around with my leg, says, “Well, I don’t need check out your leg much because I’ve seen your MRI.” Also, could be way good or way bad.

Doc: Your PCL is in beautiful condition.
Me: Victory.
Doc: But your ACL is torn.
Me: Womp. Womp.
Doc: Your meniscus is also torn.
Me: . . .
Doc: And your MCL has some tears.
Me: -_-

So then we talk about reconstructing my kneeparts. I get a locked knee brace so I don’t have to crutch (small victory… sort of?). It emphasizes how juicy my thighs are.

I have surgery on October 27th. And then a long road of physical therapy and waiting before I can be a real human again. In other news, my transition to robot-woman is getting nearer and nearer.

Robot Overlords

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2 thoughts on “Your New Robot Overlord

  1. Lyn! So sorry your funniest blog post to date comes at the expense of a busted knee! Not fair! But your description of events was hilarious and elicited several good hoo ha’s. What an active, competitive little elf you are. Now since you have this sabbatical from more frenetic and fun challenges, maybe your loyal followers will be treated to some other musings that reflect the real you. Get well soon! Even if that means we won’t hear from you again until next year! Best wishes! Bill K

    Sent from AOL Mobile Mail

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